Thursday, October 1, 2009

The EGG hunt

Ok, it's been years since I couldn't sleep thinking about what the Easter bunny would bring but lately I just can't stop thinking about eggs! I find myself seeing young girls in their 20s and thinking about how lucky they are, possessing something we want and don't have!

Seriously though, we're at the point of trying to figure out who, how, when, where and how much for our egg donor.

Do we approach a family member? It's kind of awkward, my sister is 38 so not the best candidate and Matt's family is all in Australia and he doesn't have lots of contact with them. And even then it would have to be a female cousin since he's only got a brother. Cousins he barely knows because he's been in Canada for 10 years!

A friend. Not sure. Most of our girlfriends are def over 35, it's just how our social circle is. Plus we don't want someone too close (if they aren't family).

An acquintance? Perhaps, there is one girl we have in mind. She's a masters student and very sweeet. She's in the middle of a very heavy term so we haven't had the chance to ask her (and thought an email seemed a little impersonal, lol) . It's a HUGE committment for her though, so is it right for us to ask her?

Then we have the agencies. In some ways this seems like an easy, albeit expensive solution. We'd go with a donor from South Africa, fly her over to Mumbai and go from there.

And then there's the question of expense. Which one is the safest and more reasonable? And should I even be thinking about money when it comes to my child? Unfortunately that does figure in here for us. This is a big committment, in more ways than one.

We're thinking of approaching Matt's health insurance company (who covers both of us as a couple) to see if they would cover a donor's fertility drugs. They cover them for straight couples trying to conceive. It's worth a shot.

And of course, there is the option of the Indian donor, which is by far the easiest and cheapest way to go. Haven't ruled it out, but we are leaning towards a caucasian donor.

Not sure how to approach it, and frankly it makes our heads hurt. Still very exciting though :).


  1. So exciting indeed...if ever you need an ear, we are here for you. Although we live in diffferent countries, with different sets of rules, we have one thing in common...Parentood! Or rather, intended LOL!

    Best Wishes!

  2. It's a difficult decision and we weighed a few options...again, if you want to bounce anything off us email us. We were lucky my niece said yes, the first part is easy but the trip to India is a tough one, depending on the ED's. reaction to the drugs, procedure and recovery. Good luck with your decision!

  3. Guys this is the exciting start of an amazing journey. We ended up choosing an Indian ED for a few reasons;
    Cost (unfortunately it was a factor for us)

    We're two guys and can't really fool people into thinking hey, this child is biologically linked to the two of us. We will both be parents to Noddy but in this respect it did not worry us.

    Our child will have an eternal link to a wonderful country and this is something we hope to share with him/her as they grow.

    Good luck in your endeavours to becoming daddies. It is so amazing and what a fantastic time we live in to be able to do this as openly gay men!


  4. It all gets clearer as you go along.

    We opted for caucasian ED the first time, mainly because of the lack of information about Indian donor medical background.

    Second time our friend from USA offered and we flew her to Delhi - no luck.

    This time we have gone with an Indian ED. We are happy with that decision - though it took a very long time to be okay with it - not for reasons of race and/or colour - it was always the lack of choice with our previous clinic. This changed when we moved clinics.

    We (actually me) hung onto the dream of a blonde haired, blue eyed child for so long ... it is okay to choose a caucasian ED and don't let anyone else tell you it isn't.

    Welcome to blogland - I am wishing you all the best for your journey.

  5. Guys

    Welcome aboard! It sounds like you are ready for this next big step.
    One word of advice, please try to reach out to PLU (people like us) as you do your due diligence. The surrogacy blogosphere has become a bit treacherous these days as you will find out reading some blogs and forums, with a few people trying to control the agenda for newbies like yourselves based on their own personal ups and downs and their (usually) undisclosed business relationships with certain clinics. So I would caution you to seek out the advice of ONLY those people who have successfully completed cycles with gay-friendly clinics whether they got positive or negative results. It is the only way you will get the good, the bad and the ugly about what is going on in this scene and how it relates to gay clients. I hate to be so blunt with you but I just wanted to alert you before you start getting the sales/marketing pitches from certain principals who do not really have your best interests at heart but are just trying to make a commission and/or get credits from the clinics they represent.
    Best of luck
    PS - I am a global ambassador for the Rotunda clinic and am glad to answer any questions you may have about their reputation, prices, track record, etc. For the record, I do not receive any compensation, credits or favors from this clinic and only advocate for them as I believe they are the best option in India right now for foreign gay clients and my work on their behalf is nothing more than an altruistic gesture to the gay and lesbian community globally.